Divorcing Your Small Self

I think back fondly to the moments with meditation teachers and therapists where in my vulnerability and self doubt they’d ask ‘what would your “Big Self” say?’ 

This question never needed further explanation for me. A deep breath would roll my shoulders back and lift my dipped head, and as my chin raised a smile would come across my face.  They had seen me, seen me playing small.

“Stop Playing Small”

This is something you’ve likely heard before. This kind of feedback can come like slap on the wrist. ‘Silly me I’m doing it wrong again.’  And while we intuitively know that we are either in a place of narrow mind, narrow heart, or limiting our soul’s capacity, if we leap to Big Self we can easily abandon Small Self-the younger, more fearful, weaker self.

Who is Our Small Self? 

Its the voice of our collective experiences of hurt, pain, hopelessness and grief. The voice of the inner child who wasn’t able to escape a situation that was painful, or fight back with conviction.  And the voice of the small one who was laughed at, bullied, or dismissed for believing they could achieve their dreams.

Our Small Self also includes all of our “otherness.”  All of our social conditioning that taught us how we are different, weaker, not normal.  For some this is the accent of their non native English speaking parents, the color of their skin, gender expression, and sadly all the beautifully unique traits that lie outside of the patriarchal ideal.

Love Em and Leave Em

In this lifelong journey of our growth and evolution, its helpful to get to know who our Small Self is.  We need to love them and in our love, compassion and nurturance of our Small Selves we can hear their attempts to protect us from the unknown, uncertain future.

So when is it time for a divorce?  When its time to be big! To be in our Big Selves.  To face what is scary but does not need protection.  When it comes to that job interview, that date, the creative vision, this is when its time for a divorce.  We have to consciously uncouple and lovingly release our Small Selves, because even in their good intentions to protect us, we have to disengage so that our infinite spirit can show up to take the reins and ride that uphill battle to success.

Maybe divorce is a harsh word but sometimes it takes a hard limit to blast ourselves into the dream that we never imagined could be achieved.

I’ll see you at your divorce party. <3

Practice:

In a specific area of your life, who is my small self? How are they trying to protect me? How is that protection blocking my growth? What does my small self need to reassure it that we are not in danger?