Peas and Carrots: Self Care in Relationship
Peas and Carrots: Self Care in Relationship
Remember when you were single and you tried hard. Maybe it wasn’t even so long ago. You exercised and did your nightly skin care and teeth care and woke up and meditated and wrote in your journal about how much you love yourself and love where you’ve gotten to in your life.
Well at least some of that may be true.
Chances are that all that self love and self care was what actually got you fueled up for the relationship that you are now in!
When two people meet who are both fully fueled up and loved up by their own sense of self love and self care a loving relationship can ensue. Folks are available for love not because they need it or are half empty, but because they are overflowing with internal resources including love, and so they have love reserves to share!
So then how does our self care slip?
Days of making love and ordering in food is a great way to start. Not getting out of bed to greet the sun and start your movement practice because your partner is still asleep and how could I miss out on those morning cuddles? That’s a good way too.
Couples can get into enemy territory when their self care slips. I often see how that slip in self care manifests in resentment towards the partner-where the internal dialogue is something like “I never see my rock climbing friends anymore because I’m in this relationship” or “I hate my body and it’s because of all the mornings you told me to stay in bed and cuddle you.”
The real real is that self care is about your devotion to yourself. Just as a devotee commits themselves to honor and pray daily to their guru or god/goddess, being a self devotee is committing to a daily devotion to the god or goddess within. It’s treating the body and mind as a temple of the divine and feeding it healthy media, food, movement and stillness. That’s right, diet is not just about the food we eat, our diet consists of everything that we ingest including media!
If your self care has slipped or you’ve seen that your partner’s self care has slipped, you can start it back up with a new morning practice to kick off the day. Suggest an early morning walk or 15 min of yoga if doing the activity together would be most motivating. Maybe you play a drum, shake a rattle or sing together.
Anything that is movement based or creative is a great way to transition from a non-self care morning mode(checking emails, coffee, stare out window, slump to work) to something that enlivens your spirit, makes you laugh, feel alive, connected, accomplished and strong.
If mornings will never be your thing consider switching out Netflix for a book party 2x a week. You will sleep better and feel more refreshed when you wake. Who knows you may even turn into a morning person!
As a gentle reminder, self care practices make us feel happy and alive. They allow us to show up to our partner as our best selves-available and open to giving and receiving the act of love.
A quote from Rumi inspires our tomorrow...
“The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep.”
– Rumi